soeurs du jour

I quit

A certain famous female blogger started Oprah's recommended 21 day cleanse . 

And then she quit.  Stopped.  Put the brakes on.  Fell off the wagon.  Is not doing that anymore

Over the years, I have quit lots of things, diets, jobs, friendships, worrying about things I can't control. 

The thing about quitting is that it can be hard or it can be easy. 

Quitting smoking can be hard, yet quitting a job can be easy, quitting a diet is dead easy.

Right now I'm quitting something.

I'm quitting my child bearing years.   And for me, it's not easy.  I have no emotional attachment to it, no, that's not the problem.   It's the physical.  I've been suffering for four years now with hot steaming horrible sweaty non-stop flashes.   I've tried all the over the counter concoctions, potions and pills money can buy.  I've eaten flax seed and soya.  I've meditated and exercised.   I've wept about it and joked about it.  I've solved other health problems that might have been contributing.  I've tried "getting over it" (as one not so helpful friend suggested).  I've tried waiting it out.   And nothing has helped. 

And now, I QUIT.  I have quit trying to doing this on my own.  I brought in professional help.

About seven days ago I (along with my doc and BB) made the decision that I cannot spend another summer being miserable. 

 We're talking quality of life here, mine, his, ours.

  So I slapped a patch on my ass and have been waiting impatiently for relief.

 And finally, today, I am having some relief. 

 I have quit being thermostatically challenged.

  It's okay to quit if it means that things are going to get better.

I heart my hrt.

(Don't you love the box?  That tiffany blue swath with the hermes orange stripe, why it's so pretty I've been leaving it out on the bathroom counter.)

(I made you a photo album over there on the right, it's called by the uninspired name of "Kath's Photos")

siblings

look at this little guy sitting calmly behind the grown ups. he is comfortable that no one will back up and step on him, he is not in a rush to eat, the big kids let him eat first.  the big kids, of course, are his siblings.  over the years we have had kids come and go in our family.  in addition to our own four children, my late husband and i had two children that were not our own but  lived with us long enough to be counted as siblings.  now there are my partner's two children and a daughter in law added to the progeny.   

i have a theory about large families and siblings.  brothers and sisters are many things to each other, enemies, protectors, tormentors, scolds, sources of envy and objects of pride.  i read somewhere that our siblings are truly our only life long partners, that in some ways our relationships never change, we are just brothers and sisters, no more and no less.   

my youngest graduated from high school this week and i nod my head to his siblings for the love and guidance they have given him.  when their father died he was only nine years old, far too young to experience such an upheaval.  i know that families can be blown to bits by such a trauma, or the family can fall into a hole and only climb out by standing on each other's shoulders, youngest first, and then pulling the last one out as a team.  the protective nurturing required to weather a storm leaves a lasting closeness that is ultimately weatherproof.  

do not for one second get me wrong, please, these kids fought, and still do fight.  when all is said and done though, i believe that the fighting is just another part of learning how to have a relationship and you may as well learn some of those lessons from those people that unconditionally love you, your brothers and sisters.  when the dust settles, it's the same old gang.  

there is nothing, absolutely nothing, in this world that gives me more pleasure than seeing how much my children actually like each other.  how proud they are of each other, how supportive, how forgiving, how critical and even how harsh they can be when the need arises.  

i have been weepy all week as i look at my son and see him calmly lying behind a group of grown up siblings, just like the young calf in the photo, full of confidence, never awkward, not easily embarrassed, just resting because soon he will stand up and walk away from the herd.  it makes me happy and sad.

Vacant

 

I feel like I have a vacancy.  In my head. I've not felt very engaged the last few days.  The weather has been unpredictable, thundering, rainy and sunny all at the same time.  BB has been working late hours and I haven't seen much of him.   I have a lot of chores that are begging to be done.   I come to work and do what I need to do but while I'm at work, I'm daydreaming about what I would rather be doing. 

I would rather be on holiday.   A week off.   At home.   Then I could stay up until BB gets home, sleep in late with him, clean the house, putter in the garden, read a book, drink some wine in the afternoon, take some photos and just be slow.

Bit O' Vacation.

That's what I am daydreaming of.

Completely unrelated, I wanted to share a small bit o' practical advice with you.... the next time you're near a dollar store buy a couple of packages of disposable shower caps.  So far I've used them as a cover for a bicycle seat on a rainy day, a raincoat for my camera on a drizzly photo shoot and as lids for bowls  instead of trying to get plastic wrap to stay put.  

Do you have something that you use differently than it's intended purpose?

a keepsake for my heart

i am getting one of these for my heart.  this little device will hopefully plug my pfo, patent foramen ovale, and stop the bloodclots that like to scream around inside me looking for a bad place to throw up a tent and block the way for the rest of the blood.  

while i was having an ecg at the heart institute, i made a friend. "great hair colour, love your highlights" as she stuck leads to my chest.  "do you want the name of my colourist?" and from there we went on to discuss the beautiful blue boxes of tiffany, the fabulous orange and brown hermes box, anything chanel, does it get any better than my beloved chanel, and even how we both love to read some magazines just because of the quality of the paper, my new John Hardy ring all the way from Bali and even my funky medic alert bracelet.

             

i gave her the name and number of my colourist, we exchanged big smiles, acknowledging that we had the best time we could possibly have knowing that it was unlikely we would ever see each other again. as i walked away, thanking her, she swung her own gorgeous hair, and laughingly said,"it's so great to be fifty and shallow."  waiting for the doctor, I pondered the success of brand marketing.  are we truly shallow or is it just marketing?

hosta la vista

this beautiful hosta garden is hidden in the park across from our soon to be new condo.  hidden away in a shady area, it has a very magical feel to it.  the light that filters through the trees is very special.   

yesterday a. and i took a road trip up to my brother's long term care facility.   oh no, he doesn't live in a long term care facility, he runs one for their three almost dead dogs.   blind, deaf, stroke victims, g*d knows what's happened to chelsea's fur, i swear this is one motley crew.   my brother and his wife deal with huge health issues, he's a quad in a wheelchair, she suffers from lupus, but honestly they are the picture of health next to the three muts.  along the way we did the obligatory garage sales and junk shops.   we bought a le creuset pot for $15, some vases, rope (his purchase not mine) and yay!! some hostas at a great price.

you see, hostas are my favourite plant.  the broad leaves, the colour, and for someone like me, a non gardener, the best plant ever.   you can take a hosta, stick it in the ground and tell it to cover up that space and it will do just that.   year after year.  fanning itself out over the empty spaces until your garden looks like a magazine cover.   

i love this picture of our little family within our family.  i tweaked this photo with some of the pioneer woman's photoshop actions.  i love how this photo has all my favourite things, the babies and the hostas.  

okay, i had most of the afternoon to think about this and i've decided that the reason i like a hosta is the same reason i like other people's children.   other people, your friends, always espouse about their perfect children.   they do everything they are told, immediately, with smiles, and politeness; give a kick, their children are the children you don't have.   but that's okay, i know when i'm beat, i love a hosta, a hosta does exacty what it's told to do.  a plant only  a mother should love.

This or that? You choose.

How do you choose something?

What is your process?  Do you know immediately or do you dither around?

Sometimes it’s visceral.  I love that thing.  Easy.  Done.

Other times?  I have no earthly idea how to make the right choice and then it's not fun, it's stressful and panic making.

I suspect you're like me, it's a little of both, it depends on the day or the phase of the moon, if it is for yourself or someone else, is it a temporary or somewhat permanent thing.  It all depends.

When I bought my first house.  I had to choose paint colours.  I was so excited.  Then I remembered that I didn't know how to do that.   I had no idea what colours I liked, wanted or needed. 

But, I did have a great idea.  I would take my problem to the maven and let her pick the colours. You see, Margela, my wonderful sister, has the ability to look at a blank room or a floor plan and see a finished product.

I went to her and said, “Here do this for me.” 

She said, “No.”

However, she didn’t leave me hanging.  What did she do?  She taught me how to choose paint colours.  We started with 50 paint chips, she put two on the table and asked the question, “Which do you like best?”  I kept asking “But which room are we doing? What's it for?  What's the name?  But what if that's not the brand of paint the builder will use?”  To every question she answered, “It doesn’t matter just pick the one you like the best.”*  I would point to one and she would take the one I liked best and set it aside.  We  sat at her kitchen table and did that for another 25 times and then took the "best" and did it again and again until we were down to three or four colours.  That house?  When it was done?  One word:  Gorgeous.

I love applying this technique any time I feel unsure and there are too many choices.  You can do it too, simply pick two out of the bunch and pick the one you like the best, don't think about other factors, just consider which you like the best.  Once you've done the willowing down and the field is more manageable, you can now apply any other criteria that you have to consider and you'll likely end up making a good choice because you've only had to compare the two.

It's a bit of an obvious trick and you probably already do this automatically every time you make a choice when you're confident, but there are times when you find yourself in that dilemma.  It is simplistic and it won't work for everything, we're talking paint colours, make up, thread count in sheets, mascara, digital cameras,  brands of coffee here,  you know, important stuff  ... but the next time you're faced with a multitude of choices and you feel overwhelmed, try our unpatented 50 paint chip method. 

You might be pleasantly surprised!

*endlessly patient by the way

jump and a net will appear

last week on cheap movie tuesday the newly released sex in the city was beckoning.  my friend and i headed to a local theatre for the afternoon show only to find a steady stream of strollers and moms....baby tuesday.  yep, lights on, sound down low, babies in every seat.   we tore across town to another theatre.   too old for that.

loved it.   two and half hours of laughing and crying, the ultimate chick flick.  big, carrie, samantha, charlotte, miranda. gorgeous clothes..gorgeous shoes..gorgeous apartments, well maybe not miranda’s new apartment, but the rest for sure.   we brought our own licorice, our own water, broke down and had unbuttered popcorn and vowed that every tuesday for the rest of the summer we will have some fun.

 

remember that book, tuesdays with morrie, well i am doing tuesdays with rhonda.   my rhonda and her husband are in the midst of selling everything they own because they have bought a five room resort on the bahamian island of eleuthera.   fifty somethings on the run to fun and sun.   a gutsy move and we will all watch them as if they are a test case, a measure of how brave the rest of us can be.  rhonda and i go back 25 years, we had cottages next door to each other, houses near each other, we both owned stores across the mall from each other, sons who are best friends, we took holidays together and now, i am spending tuesdays with rhonda because our days are numbered.   this is the best friend who taught me about shoes one size too big to allow for swelling, shoes that are just for sitting, never for standing.    this friend taught me a lot.  and she leaves at the end of the summer.   for good.   

 

my sister and I have had the what is really important to us discussion, chanel v. sample size bottles, bike v. car, bookstore v. used or library, clothing from holt Renfrew or from superstore or consignment; cooking with the best ingredients compromising on others that no one will ever notice (begging the question, is it the process or the end result that makes you happiest?)

 

how do you find your style because it has changed you know and from what we can see, some people haven't noticed that they should change their style or at the very least get a new hairdo.   or do we really just need to get rid of the extraneous, sell it, give it away, haul it to the curb and pursue a dream.  change the lifestyle.

 

oprah and the like suggest that we make "dreamboards",  collages with your vision.  the sister and i had this dialogue and she made a very valid point, does an adult woman give a crap about cutting pictures out of a magazine, if she can find the scissors and then driving to the store to get a piece of bristol board, and who has a glue stick anyway?  doesn't it sound a bit like you are doing your kids homework?

how do you decide what the dream is?  how do you achieve it?   do you just jump and a net will appear?

missed!

Ah, we missed a day.  Oh well.   I'm at work and my keyboard is misbehaving.  Busy night tonight, we're off to Toronto to deliver the motorcycle.  BB sold it this weekend.  The weather is frightful, thunder, lightning, rain, wind so I am thankful we're going in a truck.

Here's a picture to tide us over  ...

The rain was so heavy, it pushed their heads down.  I love how they glisten, like there is ice on them.  Taken at dusk after the rain.  No editing.  (Early May, 2008)

Whimsy

This morning, I found myself at the farmer's market before I had even had coffee.  It's busy on Saturdays and it is worth it to get there early, I scored homemade breakfast sandwiches, a dozen eggs, lettuce, radishes, strawberries and garlic scapes.  I had plans to have a lazy day, do a bit of cooking and reading and maybe a bit of gardening.

Later in the morning, after coffee and newspapers, I checked the computer and read an email from Southbrook Vineyards   "We are releasing the first three wines in a brand new "family" of wines called WHIMSY! Subtitled "the winemaker's palette," we will bottle a wine under the Whimsy label when our winemaker's experiments are so exciting that they should be shared. They could be Whimsies because of our use of new varietals, new treatments, new techniques, or new blends. They answer the question, "What if we ...?" These wines won't form a consistent part of our line-up, as our Triomphe wines do. Whimsies are typically small batches, and won't be available long. They won't normally appear on our Tasting Bar so this weekend is a very special opportunity to taste and buy."

I showed BB the email and we rushed out the door to go buy a bottle of this.

When we got to the winery, we were informed that there was a preview event with tastings and lectures. But sadly, we couldn't stay because BB had to go to work.  I dropped him off at the theatre, considered my own plans for the day, decided they were boring and that sometimes it really sucks that we don't have the same day off to do things together.  So on a whim I decided to go back to the winery to check out the happenings. 

That decision landed me in a tent overlooking a vineyard, listening to a lecture on biodynamic farming

I've done a bit of wine touring with our visitors and have noticed that I am no longer intimidated by the process of wine tasting, I know a bit more than most people, not much but enough that I'm confident enough to taste and comment in a group situation.    Today was different, I found myself sitting with a professor who teaches  viticulture, a grape grower and a marketing professional.  Thankfully, it was a small enough group that we were able interact with each other along with the vineyard steward and I felt comfortable enough to ask some questions.  Oh and we tasted wine. That's what makes these things fun, the wine tasting!

We were doing right hand / left hand "in your right hand is this, in your left hand is that".   I swirled the wine in my left glass and sniffed deeply, it had absolutely NO aroma.  I couldn't smell anything.  Now what?  Damn I'm bad at this. Try again.  Still nothing.

So, I said so.  "Um, excuse me, I don't smell anything?!?"  Nothing like admitting that you don't smell a thing to bring the professionals to full alert, "Do you have a cold?  Do you smoke?  Here smell mine!  Nothing?  How about this?"  I finally got it much to everyone's relief and laughter.  I was excited that I preferred the wine made from grapes grown in the "biodynamic vineyard".

This was a good reminder to do things on a whim, I certainly wasn't expecting to spend my afternoon discussing manure, grape vines, the phases of the moon and leaf removal while sipping wine with people I had never met before but I did.  I went and I had a blast.  

Now I have to figure out what to do with these :

 

Aren't they amazing looking?  At this point, these garlic scapes may just end up chopped and frozen, where they'll wait patiently until winter to add a taste of spring to an omelet or a frittata on a cold morning.

Now, to round out my day of grapes and scapes,  I'm going to have a glass of wine and read some cookbooks to figure out what to do with those beautiful curls.

this rare notebook

several months ago A. went to beijing to attend a three week conference on climate change.  we sent him well versed on what to buy, which knock off jeans, those knock off running shoes, and of course, my new purses.  now A. is a terrific couch shopper, prop him up with that little white macbook and he can buy you filters for the hot tub, speakers for the Ipod, and he can even arrange to have new snorkeling equipment waiting at the holiday hotel, but running around beijing and shopping in chinese for me and the kids, not so good.  we had a fairly steady email conversation going on about sizes, colours, should i get this one or that one?    

then one day he sent me an email telling me that he had the most wonderful notebook for me, that i was going to love it.  now it’s true, i love a good pile of office supplies.  he attends many conferences and he will often email me that he has a great pen, or pencil, or notebook.  but this time the words he used had me on shpilkas, this rare notebook is just for you, he said.  i knew this was going to be something special. And so it was.

this rare notebook is just for you.  you will feel writing with it all the time.  twenty-five skinny pages of rather thin, not so terrific quality paper, an awful lilac colour, and the most wonderful words on the cover.  i mean really, have you ever run into a notebook this comfortable?  the problem of course, is what could I ever possibly write in this notebook.  i don’t think i will ever be able to use it.  it is too rare, too comfortable and although i will feel writing with it all the time, i know that it is only for looking, not for writing.  lately i am thinking about finishing my latest moleskin and buying one of these linkable notebooks

i am disappointed, this guy www.blackcover.net

he is obsessed with black covers, and didn't want to review my rare notebook, no black cover.